I Still Have Hope

Hi Friends,

I hope you’re all having a good summer so far. I’m sorry I’ve been quieter than usual since I wrote last. Some really impactful things have been happening for me lately.

I have been engaging with some really wonderful growth and healing work since December and that has included some restorative justice training in the last month or so (shout out to the DC Peace Team, and thanks to Leah for sharing their info with the group!).

I have continued exploring my ancestral roots and the strong connection of that work to anti-oppression work, wrestling with harm caused and harm experienced, and gaining a greater understanding of my own identity and opportunities to shift the trajectory of my lineage.

I was a witness to a family experiencing a life-changing, life-ending time in their lives, watching people who could help refuse to do so. I am still processing my role in seeking justice for this family, finding my way along the path of next right things.

I have accumulated so many amazing resources to share with all of you that I’m feeling a bit buried and I don’t want to dig out by blasting all of you with an overwhelming amount of information (we get enough of that from the daily news cycle). I’m also feeling sensitive to the constant bombardment of the challenges our world faces — climate change, oppressive and dehumanizing systems, significant power in the hands of the few, threats to democracy, intense polarization and so much anger.

While the truths about what we are facing feel insurmountable sometimes, I still feel hope. I want my updates to you to reinforce the sense of community that you are part of as a changemaker in this world. I want you to feel connected and resourced and encouraged. I want you to know that you are enough, that you do not have to do this work to make you a “good” person, or to deserve humanity.

We do anti-oppression work because we know that our own well-being is tied up in the well-being of everyone, not because we feel guilty or ashamed. We have chosen to incorporate justice and solidarity work into our lifestyles because that is who we are. We understand that this is lifelong work and that our own individual growth and healing contributes to our abilities to effect change in our communities.

We believe that how we take care of each other in this world is one of the most important things.

Nicole Cardoza of Anti-Racism Daily said recently, “I can’t wait for motivation to make a difference. And quite frankly, our world can’t wait for that either. I’ve made this work part of my daily practice, just like brushing my teeth and walking my dog. I’ve set routines and habits that ensure it’ll get done, regardless of how motivated I feel. … Part of that practice is the reminder that nothing will change unless we try. Mariame Kaba famously said that “hope is a discipline,” and that resonates with me. If we only believe in change when we see progress, we’ll lose our way.”

Michele Chang and Lisa Cohen from Kitchen Table Conversations about Race & Belonging shared this in one of their recent newsletters: “Something that I found particularly helpful is the idea that the “window of opportunity” for advances in equity and inclusion is not closed; it is merely not as wide open as it was in the summer of 2020. This perspective allows us to realize that our efforts are still needed, that we can still get through the window to minimize the harm of the “fire” inside the house (representing racism and other oppressions). Michele pointed out that as we consider how to show up now, we may want to lean into the ways in which we can be more agile and creative. We may need to “limbo” our way through the window or look for alternative ways into the house around the side or back. Also, we don’t only need firefighters for this effort; we also need architects, engineers, water carriers, and those who can help us to rest and recharge, among others.” (They gave me permission to share this and their contact info, asking me to invite you to join the Table!)

Raising our children (or interacting with children in general since I know not everyone here is currently in this stage of life) can be an essential form of changemaking. Here’s encouragement from Anti-Racism Daily about talking to kids about race.

A Community Safety Agenda was created recently by a whole bunch of human rights/justice organizations that provides a clear model of what our communities need and how to get there. Let this guide you in your work.

Did you know that July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month? Learn more here.

At the risk of seeming too optimistic, the National Governors Association announced a new project called Disagree Better: Healthy Conflict for Better Policy. Tell your governor that this is the kind of politics and discourse that you want to see.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Safety Through Compassion

Hi Friends,

It has taken me time to write this, as I have grappled, as I’m sure every person who cares for children has done, with the reality that they face danger, even in places that should be safe. I also realize that I am somewhat new to this experience since my children are white and that schools and the education system in general is structured in a way that my white children are more likely to feel safe at school than BIPOC children.

As tempting as it is to imagine that others are to blame for gun violence in schools and in our communities and that those individual others should be removed/expelled/jailed/excluded from our communities and that that is what will keep us safe, that is exactly the opposite of what we need to do. First, gun violence is systemic and needs to be reported and understood as such. The normalized gun violence threat has been present in BIPOC communities for longer than many of us realize and does not receive the public attention and advocacy it deserves.

The response to shun or isolate anyone we perceive as threatening is a long-standing strategy to divide and control members/groups in our communities. When schools or districts respond to threats by criminalizing students, our schools and communities become less safe. Often, those who are most likely to perpetrate violence are those who have already been excluded or sent away. These strategies of division undermine the village or community that must be strong in order for every member to be safe and valued.

The overculture we all live within, the powerful structures around us, inundate us with messages that divide and control us. Garrett Bucks wrote about this in January, saying:

“We have been told — both by what we are asked to pay attention to and what we are asked to ignore — that everything is basically fine, save for occasional aberrations.
“We have been told that we can move forward with a system built on stolen land and lives, that those sins require mere acknowledgment rather than redistribution.
“We have been told that it is inevitable that a small number of people get to be very wealthy and that a much, much larger number of people have to be poor.
“We have been told that all that poverty is only a problem if poor people don’t stay in line.
“We have been told that crime happens on the street and not in boardrooms.
“We have been told that criminals are irrevocably bad people who are not your neighbors and that you and your more worthy neighbors will be safer with just a few more cops, just a few more jails, just a few more televised reminders of who is to be feared.
“We have been told that none of this dehumanizes us — those that are surveilled, those that are loaded up with fear, and those with badges who are asked to embody an entire nation’s isolation and inhumanity.”

The solutions to fears around safety are much more time consuming and challenging and infinitely necessary. It has everything to do with how we care for each other and understanding interconnectedness. It is unavoidable in our society that another person’s struggles will stay contained and that their challenges will not affect us. Advocating for a shift from over-policing to robust public services is one way to ensure that everyone can feel safe.

This means that even when we disagree, even when we cannot understand why someone else could possibly believe whatever they believe, we must do the compassionate work of validating each other as human beings first, and then seeking to understand each other. Each one of us has come to our values and understanding of the world through our individual perspectives and experiences. Listening to each other, having open conversations to learn about each other and WHY we have reached these conclusions is the path to finding common ground and creating meaningful change.

I should be really clear here about the difference between compassion towards the humanity of another person and addressing harmful behavior.

We talk with our kids about this often, that we love them unconditionally, but that we don’t like their behavior sometimes, and that those are two different things. One of our kiddos was struggling with controlling her feelings recently and she said through her tears, “You don’t like me!” It was both heartbreaking and easy to respond to, to reassure her that her behavior did not define her or determine how much we love (and like) her.

Sergio Peçanha writes, “It is natural to want to brush off those who fall for the kind of lies spread by the Jair Bolsonaros and Donald Trumps of the world. It’s an understandable defense, but it won’t make the problem go away. What if, instead, we pull them in closer? Draw them to us. Look them in eye. My sister-in-law’s wish for a better country is real. Her pain is real.”

Our binary thinking leads to polarization and undermines compassion because it leads us to believe that there are only two options, often divided between good and bad. Binary thinking is an essential part of white supremacy and contributes significantly to dividing and controlling people in our society. Our politics and the way the media has contributed to the perception that “the other side” is evil has made binary thinking even harder to resist.

From Garrett Bucks again, “depending on your political beliefs — you’re supposed to sympathize with Black people drinking poisoned water in Flint, Michigan or White people drinking poisoned water in East Palestine, Ohio, but not both.”

Since I know most of the people likely to be reading this are progressives, let’s do an experiment. Imagine a gun owner in your head. Feel your body respond and make assumptions about this imaginary person. What characteristics does this person have? How does your narrative about this person change if I tell you that they are a white woman? How does your narrative change if this person is a black woman? How does this narrative change if this person is a veteran?

Every single one of these imaginary people have experiences and perspectives that have guided their decisions through life and every single one of these people is likely doing the best they can with the circumstances they have faced. Every single one of these people deserves our compassion as a fellow human being and every single one of these people deserves to have their needs met.

If we want to live in a world in which everyone is cared for and has what they need, we have to be able to imagine the world we are working towards. That’s where hope comes from. We also have to know where we have been, unflinchingly aware of our past failures and successes.

Theodore R. Johnson writes,

“Our politics seem increasingly to demand all of one and none of the other. But reasonable people, whether pride or reckoning resonates more with them, can sincerely ask: How can we take pride in a nation with a history of such injustice and unfairness and inequality? How can we reckon with a nation that we refuse to take pride in? The truth is, the two are inseparable. Pride includes a faith in the nation’s ability to learn and improve and atone. Reckoning implies faith in a fundamental goodness to which the appeals of justice can be made. … Nearly every American alive today descends from a race, ethnicity or nationality that was excluded in some way, at some time, from the full rights of citizenship and barred from participation in our democracy. … But the nation we have today, with all its imperfections, is a product of the energy and work of previous generations who insisted that the nation do a better job of living up to its promises. We should be proud of those who came before and bent the nation, often against its will, toward equality and justice.”

So much polarization is happening right now (as it has before) linked very tightly to white parents. One more from Garrett Bucks,

“It may not be new, but that doesn’t mean that we’re not in a moment right now. If you are a parent in a state that has a Republican controlled legislature, you have been invariably assaulted this year with a slate of legislation purportedly enacted in your name: Book bans, attacks on trans kids and adults, public school-eroding vouchers for increasingly wealthier and Whiter populations, assorted anti-Critical Race Theory nonsense. And even if you’re a good liberal White parent who wouldn’t be swayed by all that far-right red meat legislation, there is no shortage of appeals to your self-interest as well: Article upon article about how the “defund the police” movement went too far and how your kids now aren’t safe, the whispered assurance from friends that you’re not really selling out if you enroll your kids in private schools or in a ritzy suburban district, the pervasive (but implicit) myth that parenting while privileged is all about maintaining your own family’s class and racial position.”

If you see yourself in any of this, have compassion for yourself, too. Acknowledge what you want to change and work towards growth. Everyone makes mistakes in this work because we’re all conditioned to participate and perpetuate the systems in place. Over time, they have changed in a more inclusive direction, but only because of people like us who are pushing the boundaries, practicing compassion, and finding our way forward together.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
- I want to highlight “10 Young Racial Justice Activists You Should Know”
- And great news! “Perfectionists: Lowering your standards can improve your mental health”
- Here’s a lovely example of what solidarity can look like.
- I really enjoyed another article by Theodore R. Johnson about why discussing race is essential to our love of America.

Interconnectedness and Public Schools

Hi Friends,

I have been thinking a lot lately about isolation, fear based parenting, and the disconnectedness we experience from each other. This trend started before the pandemic and then was made much worse as we separated ourselves from each other out of necessity. As we process these shifts in our lives, our survival and our well-being continues to depend on strengthening our connections to each other and on building communities that are interconnected and resilient.

Our public schools are an important part of this community building and interconnectedness, and not just for those of us who have K-12-age children. American democracy depends on a citizenry educated in civil discourse and, ideally, empowered with critical thinking skills and a community-mindedness that leads to positive outcomes for everyone.

Segregated schools threaten democracy. Conor P. Williams writes “Our Failing Democracy Simply Reflects Our Schools’ Limited Ability to Deliver on the Promise of Opportunity” (EdPost, 11/4/22) “But that segregation — separating children by race and class from the beginning — is amply threatening to American democracy. A country that purports to value the merit of individual hard work cannot long tolerate a rigged educational system that’s deeply intertwined with access to economic opportunity. A country premised on the value of public discourse between equal citizens cannot survive yawning educational gaps.”

Unfortunately, we have a conflict with the ideals of democracy because of American myths of opportunity and a capitalist hierarchy build on systems of oppression. The myth of hyper-individualism, the idea that any individual’s success is due solely to that individual’s hard work (and conversely that less successful people must simply not have worked as hard) and that we all start our lives on equal footing, contributes to our strong aversion to interdependence. Our culture has perpetuated the idea that to depend on others is a weakness and that if we are struggling, it is because of personal failings, not systemic inequities.

Alissa Quart writes “Can We Put an End to America’s Most Dangerous Myth?” (New York Times, 3/9/23) about the myth of pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps and her alternative approach called “the art of dependence.” She writes, “Part of acknowledging the art of dependence means we release people from shame about their needs for others, and expose the lie of being self-made as it is propagated publicly by some of America’s wealthiest people. … Dependence is, if you think of it, a form of connection and social cohesion. It brings us closer to others, which at this moment in America might be the thing we need most.”

Challenging this idea of hyper-individualism can be threatening to those with the most power and wealth in our society. Often, the more a person is committed to upholding the structures of privileged wealth acquisition in this country, the more they are divided from their communities and the well-being of the broader population. For example, Jon Schwartz writes about the causes of inflation, saying “The people running things almost always would rather be firmly in charge of a weaker institution than be part of a stronger institution in which their power can be challenged.”

To bring this back to public schools in particular, we see this tendency happening with private fundraising. The impulse to fundraise as much as possible because one CAN leads to a feeling that what you have is never enough. This scarcity mindset leads to fear-based choices and resource hoarding, the feeling that you have to get as much as you can for your kid/your school because if you don’t, you’ll lose something.

Steven Evangelista writes “I know how unfair NYC school fundraising is — and why that’s so hard to change” (Chalkbeat, 2/27/23) “There is a frequent sense that we aren’t doing as much as we can, that we are leaving resources for our children on the table by not pursuing donations more aggressively. At our last board meeting, the chair made the point that we may need to add another fundraiser to the calendar since we are meeting staff and parent requests at a higher rate than expected.”

These ideas also apply to issues of public school segregation. Erika K. Wilson writes “Monopolizing Whiteness” (Harvard Law Review, 5/10/21), especially: “When white students cluster together in public schools, it creates school-based economies of agglomeration. Examples of the agglomeration benefits include an increased ability to attract high-quality teachers, concentrated pools of middle-class and affluent students with greater social and political capital, and greater per-pupil funding. The agglomeration effects not only advantage students in the predominantly white and affluent districts, but they also disadvantage students in the neighboring, predominantly low-income and nonwhite districts. The net effect is to allow students in predominantly white school districts to hoard the best educational opportunities.” (The full PDF article is available here.)

These are not new ideas. What I am finding, however, that is new, is an increase in the number of families wanting to choose integrating schools and those advocating for more equitable policies and structures to support them.

For example, a colleague of mine this work, Beth Cavanaugh, writes “Opinion: Portland Public Schools should adopt a more equitable district-wide fundraising model” (The Oregonian, 3/12/23). “For 25 years, resourced parents working in fundraising silos to supplement staffing in their own schools has been a distraction for the PPS community, keeping us from advocating together to reverse decades of disinvestment in our schools. In light of inadequate state education funding, we cannot perpetuate a system where parents with economic and social capital provide for their schools in ways that others cannot.”

She continues, “Some people have argued against changing the current model because schools with robust fundraising often receive lower per-student funding from the district than those that receive grants. This is true, but not because predominantly white, low-poverty schools with high test scores are expected to make up the difference. Rather, PPS uses a differentiated funding model with equity at its core to determine school staffing. Schools where students face more barriers to success intentionally receive more per-student funding from the district with the goal of closing the persistent gaps in outcomes tied to student demographics. Allowing wealthy parents to supplement their own school’s staffing allocation undermines that intentional work and maintains the achievement gap.”

Supporting the need to focus on advocacy to change the culture of catering to what administrators and policy makers believe privileged families want, Allison Roda & Amanda Vender write “3 Myths About White Parents and School Choice” (EducationWeek, 2/22/23). They say, “Policymakers and school officials must design more equitable school choice plans that promote integration through controlled choice with weighted lotteries; geography-based enrollment policies, such as magnet schools that break the ties between neighborhood and school segregation; and phasing out separate and unequal gifted or other academically selective programs within schools. Officials can play to parents’ recognition that their school choices do, in fact, have social impact.”

If we want public education to not only receive the increased funding it so desperately needs and to improve the quality of the education students are receiving, we must be the voices that demand integrated schools and equitable policies so every student receives the education they deserve. We must shed the expectations of competition and fear, find connection with our common goals, and advocate for a cultural shift that our children (and school staff) so desperately need.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Additional Resources:
- Some shifts in the ways in which school districts are funded are happening across the country. Dale Mezzacappa writes “Pennsylvania’s school funding system violates state constitution, judge rules” (Chalkbeat, 2/7/23). And if you want to dive even deeper, here’s a list of “Landmark US Cases Related to Equality of Opportunity in K-12 Education” (Stanford University).

- Related to class hierarchies and access to “free time,” Andrew Lee writes “Outsourcing Drudgery in the Servant Economy” (Anti-Racism Daily, 2/16/22), including a link to the Living Wage Calculator. “But those that have extra capacity to create more time in their day should consider doing more than just making a one-time donation to charity. They can redistribute some time to directly support underserved communities.”

Standing Up For Inclusion and Hope

 Hi Friends,

It has taken me over a month to decide how to write about a recent event I witnessed. I have felt rage and anger and disbelief. I have felt grief and sadness and resignation. The feeling that has risen above all of these, however, has been hope and faith in humanity.

Perhaps I am still naive, but I believe that our local community has been unaware of the challenges we face at this particular school (and more broadly) and that when we know, we will be the change we need to see to ensure that our students feel welcome and included and valued. This also might make some people uncomfortable, and I invite you to sit with that feeling and consider stretching into something new.

On Tuesday, December 13, 2022, less than a month after the hateful violence at Club Q in nearby Colorado Springs, the Denver Public Schools-affiliated Slavens School PTA voted 13 to 8 to approve a restaurant fundraiser with Chick-fil-A, an openly anti-LGBTQ+ corporation. I would like to explicitly thank the 8 people who voted against the fundraiser for standing with Slavens students and families and for affirming inclusion and care in our decisions. Even small votes like this are part of our individual and collective legacies.

The PTA vote took place after three months of debate among members about whether financially supporting the anti-LGBTQ+ activity of the national restaurant owners would be inclusive and affirming of the entire school community. Multiple PTA members spoke about the harm caused to students and families by supporting this fundraiser. Key school administration and PTA leadership members abstained from the vote.

To dispel any confusion, the anti-LGBTQ+ activities of the owners of the national restaurant chain continue today. Chick-fil-A owners continue to donate to orgs trying to prevent the passage of the Equality Act, which would add federal protection as a protected class for LGBTQ+ people from discrimination. The Slavens PTA has a long-standing culture of prioritizing fundraising above all else. Focusing on fundraising is antithetical to the PTA mission, and this fundraiser will undermine the National PTA policy supporting LGBTQ+ students and their families.

The Slavens PTA serves a school community of over 700 students, with a membership roster this year of approximately 140 members. The Slavens community deserves to know what is being decided in their name. I believe that the majority of Slavens families would not agree with the PTA vote and that they would prioritize inclusion over fundraising. My goal is to raise awareness in our local community and to encourage more families to speak up about what we want our school community to represent. Discrimination and exclusion are more likely to happen in homogenous, privileged environments unless consistent action is taken to protect inclusion and equality.

Slavens is known in many circles as a “good school” with Blue Ribbon status and the highest fundraising numbers in the Denver Public School district (approaching $500,000 each year). The waitlist for incoming transfers is over 200 students long. It is also one of the whitest and most affluent schools in a district that is much more diverse (Slavens is 79% White and 7% FRL in a district that is 25% White and 59% FRL), raising questions about private funding access and disparities in educational equity. Most schools in the district do not have access to even moderate levels of private fundraising.

There have already been efforts among some families in the Slavens community to advocate for culture change at the school, not only for LGBTQ+ students and their families, but for all students who are not currently having their needs met: neurodivergent students, racially and culturally diverse students, economically diverse students, and gifted students. A Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) Committee within the PTA was created in 2020 and the school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) for its middle schoolers.

A Slavens PTA events guideline document encouraging inclusion and in support of the school’s stated values was approved by the PTA in May 2022 (which was unfortunately ignored during the December vote). Efforts at community-building have been met with enthusiasm and appreciation. Key staff members are working very hard, every day, to ensure that every student in the school feels welcome and valued. The school’s demographics are slowly becoming more diverse.

School segregation and the subsequent exclusivity of school communities is not limited to a few schools. Segregation has increased in public schools nationwide over the last 30 years. People living with a significant amount of privilege and who are surrounded by a homogeneous community are at greater risk of perpetuating stereotypes, discrimination, and exclusive behaviors based on their experiences or lack thereof. Concentration of resources has increased as families with means engage in hoarding tendencies and scarcity mentalities, working for “the best” for their own kids without regard for the larger community of children and families.

School-based nonprofits trend towards a focus on fundraising (often with crisis messaging) instead of advocacy or a greater community-building role, despite the National PTA’s mission statement to the contrary. Much of this behavior arises out of fear and isolation and a lack of connection to community in general. All of it can change if families with the privilege of choice choose something different (ie. Integrated Schools).

Imagine what could change if the time and effort spent on fundraising at individual schools was instead focused on regional/state/national advocacy for increased educational funding and equitable distribution to meet student needs everywhere? Imagine the economy we could build if we invested in every single one of our students instead of relying upon a few nonprofits at a few schools to favor the few over the many? Imagine if we worked in solidarity with every community to build a future our students looked forward to living?

The truth is, segregated schools, even those with significantly more financial resources, are not serving their students the way truly integrated schools could. Many of us (white people) struggle with talking about race and racism because we did not grow up in diverse environments and we don’t live in diverse environments now. We instinctively know that we don’t want our children to have these same barriers to being in community with and working with people from many backgrounds.

We have to work against the prevailing tide and take steps to learn new patterns, new choices, new ways of being. It won’t just automatically happen because we’re good people and we treat everyone kindly. I wish it was that easy, but it isn’t. Change comes from discomfort and if we refuse to feel uncomfortable, if we refuse to pop the bubbles of ignorance and guilt around ourselves, then change will not come.

The community and connection we seek exists. We just have to be willing to leave our isolation, guilt, shame, and competition with each other behind and open our eyes to the work and effort already underway without us. Open your eyes and embrace discomfort. I’m right here with you. We’ll do it together.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.
White Folks Facing Race

Additional Resources:
- Melanie Asmar writes “A once-segregated Denver school fights to stay integrated 50 years after historic court order” in Chalkbeat (1/16/23)
- Notes From The Backpack podcast from National PTA “Why Your Child’s School Isn’t More Diverse” (1/18/23)
- Nice White Parents podcast from The New York Times

New (School) Beginnings

Hi Friends,

Welcome to the new school year! We moved two of our kiddos to a more integrated school this year (my eldest will wait another year before we move her to a more integrated middle school), so there were a lot of changes yet again for our family and our connections to school communities. As you might imagine, I’m still working on educational equity efforts and I have learned a lot in the last year about what this landscape looks like in Denver.

I am also still connected with efforts specifically to address inequities in private funding of public schools. This article in Romper, by Sarah Jaffe, was really helpful to read. I’m still learning from advocates across the country who are undertaking these efforts in their areas. I’m also encouraged to find an appetite for addressing this specific issue in other organizations, including at our very white segregated school and at Integrated Schools, and at council and state level PTAs, as well as the school district’s foundation.

And to continue my learning about education equity in general, I’m also slowly making my way through the Integrated Schools podcasts. Every time I make the time for these, I am struck by how so many smart people are working on these issues and I am encouraged to continue my efforts. We are not alone. I also read more about Community Schools, in this article from The Hechinger Report by Emily Woods.

While I didn’t have a lot of personal inspirational work in the last month or so, I have been reading some really great things that have challenged my thinking. I finished reading Debby Irving’s Waking Up White, which I highly recommend, and her website has some great resources, including “21-Day Racial Equity Habit Building Challenges” that I encourage you to check out. I learned about an organization called Braver Angels, which encourages conversations across lines of division for greater understanding and compassion.

Please also remember that Service Never Sleeps is holding its next Allyship Summit this October 26–27. You can learn more and register here.

I am wowed every day by the impactful updates from Anti-Racism Daily, particularly these:

- Don’t have a plantation wedding. This update includes ways to reconsider how Thanksgiving is celebrated by you and your loved ones this year. Read it now, even though that’s a couple of months away, because it will likely take intentional rethinking and convincing if you want to make changes to your traditions.

- Support equitable school funding.

- Reflect before reaching out. I needed to be reminded of this because it’s so easy, when something happens in our country, to reflexively reach out to people to “show” you’re a good person instead of taking a few minutes to reflect and really think about why you’re reaching out.

Use this new school year to identify the one or two things you want to throw your energy into and bring others along with you! Let me know if I can help.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

The Power of Names and Grief

Hi Friends,

My heart has been so heavy, like something is pressing on my chest. Emotional grief, compounded with the onset of covid in our household, has had me focusing on everyday activities and very little else for the last couple of weeks.

Even so, there are moments of clarity. The power of names and the power of grief, for example.

The act of naming things can be a path to truth, which can lead to growth. Naming an institution’s role in upholding the system of slavery. Naming the dynamics in a relationship as abusive. Naming historical and current realities of one’s lived experience.

Names are also memory and legacy. Many families name their children after beloved ancestors, linking past and present in a person’s identity. Sometimes names cause families to protect a particular reputation or status that the legacy of their name has achieved, often tailoring to the point of a break with reality. The names of schools, roads, and institutions declare who should be remembered.

Names and their use carry the power of being seen or erased. Using a person’s chosen name (and their associated pronouns) or refusing to. Renaming enslaved people or indigenous children in boarding schools using English/western conventions, erasing their cultural identities and connections. Removing last names, breaking a familial connection, uprooting people and separating them from each other. Erasing an aspect of people’s humanity.

So when a deadly event occurs, it is right to name the victims of violence, to commit their names to our memories, to choose to never forget them. To let their names, their humanity, propel us forward in making changes that will prevent another such event. It should make us pause and consider — how will our names be remembered?

There is another set of names to be considered and how we use them can have a particular power. Naming perpetrators, naming slaveholders, naming legislators. Holding people accountable for their action/inaction, showing them that their names and the ways they are remembered are not guaranteed to be positive or lasting.

For example, John Boozman, Mo Brooks, Mike Crapo, Rand Paul, Donald Bacon, Andy Barr, Cliff Bentz, Michael Burgess, John Carter, Madison Cawthorn, Michael Cloud, Andrew Clyde, Rick Crawford, Dan Crenshaw, Jake Ellzey, Pat Fallon, Drew Ferguson, Mike Flood, Virginia Foxx, Tony Gonzales, Kay Granger, Marjorie Greene, Brett Guthrie, French Hill, Richard Hudson, Jr., Patrick McHenry, Carol Miller, Greg Murphy, Troy Nehls, Greg Pence, Hal Rogers, Mike Rogers, David Rouzer, Chip Roy, Pete Sessions, Mike Simpson, Adrian Smith, Van Taylor, GT Thompson, Jr., Beth Van Duyne, Randy Weber, Sr., Steve Womack (US Senators and Representatives endorsed by the NRA in 2022).

So now for the power of grief. Based on my observations of American culture, our social conventions around grief demand restraint, control, expression of emotions only in private. In many cultures around the world, grief is shown in public lamentation, in community expressions of loss. What would it look like for our communities to express our grief in a more public way, to stop hiding our tears and our wails and our screams? What would it look like to speak the names of those who have died through voices that break with the knowledge of humanity lost? What would it look like to chant the names of those who allow violence in our communities, in our schools, to continue unchallenged, to call them out ritually, publicly, as part of our expression of grief and outrage?

In times like this, we must use our voices and our power in any way we can find, including (and maybe especially) in ways that make those in power uncomfortable.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

We Are Not Powerless

Hi Friends,

This is not about Buffalo and it is about Buffalo. That’s because Buffalo (and so many more) is about each and every one of us. And I’m not sure I even know what to say. But since I am a White person, I know that my role is to speak to my people, so here goes.

I went to the grocery store today. The entire time I was there, I was acutely, painfully aware of how powerless I felt, how deeply my heart ached that I am constantly, actively and passively separated from being in true community with my neighbors because of the white supremacist culture we are all harmed by.

There are barriers to building those relationships everywhere we look, including inside ourselves. My heartache is always there, just freshly exposed by the most recent racist violence. These wounds we suffer cannot heal when they are reopened over and over again with new names of community members murdered and new locations of tragedy to tally in our national consciousness.

I also understand how essential it is that I use every ounce of my willpower and determination to ensure that anti-racist work continues and grows and that each and every one of us participates in dismantling white supremacy. And I honestly don’t know what to say to encourage more people to start and/or continue the self-work and community work that is needed. But I refuse to give up, so here I am, writing to each of you.

This work is both urgent and long-term, and while it is happening in many places, we need to keep going, to keep doing more. White supremacy culture influences everything we do, every institution and organization and government office and it fights back when challenged. And yet it must be challenged or it will continue to spread and grow and harm and kill. Do not imagine that “good people” will be spared from its effects — we are each already harmed and often blinded to that harm. Choose to see the harm so that you can choose to fight against it.

If you’re already feeling overwhelmed because you’re already fighting for something else, do not see this as an “extra” cause to take on. See it as a shift in the WAY you fight for justice, in whatever manner inspires and sustains you. If you’re focused on reproductive rights, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on environmental justice and combating climate change, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on educational equity, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on politics or criminal justice or housing or poverty or hunger or anything else you’re focused on, do it in an anti-racist way.

Do you know how? What barriers do you face to doing this work?

Some oversimplified guidance for White people doing anti-racist work:
(1) Commit to the self-work for the rest of your life. Keep learning, keep apologizing, keep unlearning biases and assumptions, keep growing. Use self-care so you don’t burn out.

(2) Don’t do this work alone. Find others who will support you, help you grow, listen to your failures and struggles, and encourage you to keep going. If you don’t have a person like this in your life, contact me and I’ll be that person for you.

(3) Choose solidarity (doing with) over helping/supporting (doing for). Build relationships with the communities you want to work with in an inclusive way, following existing leadership and trusting people to know where they want to go.

(4) Wherever you are, show up in an anti-racist way and be open to adjusting as you earn the trust of those you are working with. Earn that trust every day in the way you show up, the way that you grow, the way that you listen.

Ok, here’s the hardest one (again, for White people):
(5) DO NOT exclude people who disagree with you or challenge your beliefs. Turning people away, excluding people and banishing them because they aren’t on an anti-racist path yet (or as “woke” as you) will always undermine our efforts. We must be welcoming to all because white supremacy will always make white people feel like they belong, even as it harms them.

Anti-racist efforts must be as inclusive as we want our communities and institutions and governments to be. We must model the solidarity and liberation of the world we are trying to create. As my dear friend Whitney taught me several years ago, do not allow your anti-racist work to send people towards racism. Bring them with you.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.