Bolster Your Energy

Hi Friends,

I hope this holiday season you can take an intentional moment to look at the sky, the moon, a bird flying overhead, a squirrel chattering in a tree, anything to take you out of the whirlwind of this time of year and into something bigger and calmer around you.

I’m not going to ask more of you right now because I know your plate is already too full. I do want to share some resources and encouragement for when you find a quiet moment or need a gentle arm around your shoulders, to feel less alone in so much uncertainty and overwhelm.

I do want to take a moment to acknowledge two things that are keeping my attention right now.

First, while traditions and holiday celebrations can be rooting and joyful and a way to connect with others, when they become such a burden that you lose yourself or you just can’t wait for them to be over, notice that. All of these things that we do are made up — some for good reasons, some less so — and we get to CHOOSE what we do, what we keep, what we let go of. Please consider your values (not just others’ expectations) and make conscious choices about what you do and do not do with your time and energy.

And I don’t mean this as one of those trite “self-care during the holidays” messages. My hope for you with the new year (or because it’s Saturday, whatever), is that you take the time to set some intentions about what you value and how you are going to live into your values going forward. Not because our capitalist society said so or because you feel obligated by patriarchal norms, but because you see the systemic oppression all around us and you are pushing back against the “rules” that other people have created to keep us divided, in competition, and apart from each other. See the structures around you and choose what you comply with or resist, with eyes wide open.

The second thing is the underlying current of grief that I feel, especially during this time of year when we are bombarded by messages of togetherness and love and consumerism. There are many people for whom the holidays are particularly challenging because they have recently lost loved ones, because they are not living the life they thought they would be, because they can’t afford the gifts they want to give, because they are chronically ill, because they are unhoused, because they just got laid off, because of so many things that don’t magically get solved because it’s the holiday season.

The contrast between the social messaging we receive (everyone is joyful and kind to each other!) and the reality that we do not yet take care of each other enough as a society, as a country, is jarring to me. I keep this feeling close to my heart because I would rather feel the pain and grief of reality than to pretend that everything is fine and I just need to smile and buy more stuff.

If your grief has turned to despair, take heart in Clarissa Pinkola Estés’s “Letter to a Young Activist in Troubled Times” (originally written in 2001). Please also check out a recent offering from David Dean called “Solidarity in the Face of MAGA” that I highly recommend.

If you’re looking for organizations doing the work of building the world we want to live in and for uplifting and empowering news, please check these out:
- The Redress Movement
- The Revolutionary Love Project (for an example, check out this update from November 2024)
- Indivisible and their “Practical Guide to Democracy on the Brink”
- This article on Truthout from Mark Engler & Paul Engler of Waging Nonviolence and this article about ways to be prepared.
- This article about ways communities affected by Hurricane Helene are rebuilding and supporting each other.
- For a deeper dive, check out this interview with Cornell West.
- And especially for those who are parents or caregivers, check out this interview with Maya Schenwar and Kim Wilson about their book, We Grow the World Together: Parenting Toward Abolition.

And, a quick reminder that my new endeavor, Reconciling Our Roots, is taking new clients!

Sending love,
Emily

Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity. 

Inclusion, Belonging, and Genealogy

Hi Friends,

I hope 2024 is treating you well so far. I have spent the last few months really exploring ideas of inclusion and belonging and I have undertaken a lot of family history and genealogy research that has been really revealing for me.

I want to share the training opportunities available from White Awake again with all of you. I did a recent one on genealogy research and it was so great and helpful to understand harm endured, harm caused, and the historical context of these experiences. I also want to reiterate my increasing appreciation for Braver Angels, navigating ways to a less divisive and more inclusive path forward together.

I thought that Michele L. Norris’s reflections on her Race Card Project was brilliant and insightful and painful and all the things. And I want to highlight how Community-Centric Fundraising adjusted their space to better reflect their purpose and who they center as part of their grassroots movement.

Here’s an opportunity to participate in a research study (via Integrated Schools):

“Are you a White mother interested in antiracist parenting?

EmbraceRace is currently seeking volunteers to participate in a research study supporting White antiracist parenting. Please see the description below and fill out the enrollment form if you think you might be eligible and interested, and consider passing this opportunity along to others in your network.

This study is being conducted by Dr. Gail Ferguson and Dr. Melissa Koenig at the University of Minnesota. This is a study for White mothers and White children between the ages of 5 and 8, and it will take place entirely online. CARPE DIEM (Courageous, Antiracist, and Reflective Parenting Efforts: Deepening Intentionality with Each Moment) is a new antiracist parenting intervention for White parents. The goal of the study is to examine how the intervention works and teach us how to best equip and support White parents and their children on their antiracist journeys. This study is for mothers who have an interest in antiracist parenting, whether they have already begun taking steps in this direction or are considering the possibility of taking steps in the future. Moms and kids will each receive e-gift cards of their choice for completing different parts of the study.

If you’re interested in participating in this study, click here to fill out a short enrollment form! You are welcome to email the research team with questions at carpediem@umn.edu.”

I have been learning about and getting more involved in efforts to support unhoused people here in Denver, particularly as it intersects with the influx of migrants to this area. Here’s a recent report for Denver, as a snapshot of the challenges people face. Please stay aware of a Supreme Court case that could heavily affect how houselessness is handled in this country. This issue is so clearly about how we choose to take care of each other and I encourage you to learn about how unhoused people are treated in your area.

I appreciated the feedback after my last post in November. I’d like to share another resource, “What Jewish Voice for Peace Can Teach White People About Anti-Racism” by David Dean. Please stay engaged on ceasefire efforts as well as local efforts in your area around inclusion and belonging for everyone.

I also appreciated the recent update from Anti-Racism Daily (ARD) about the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, particularly in the way it reframed my understanding of who lived where and how the land that is now the United States was acquired over time. It directly relates to my genealogical work, thinking about patterns of immigration, settler colonialism, and historical narratives that leave out key pieces of the truth.

I was so happy to see that Arlington County is working to memorialize the names of the enslaved in that place. I was intrigued by the story about Asheville, NC pursuing reparations work in the face of statewide resistance. If you’re interested in learning more about reparations efforts, there are many, but in the vein of genealogy work, check out Coming to the Table and the work they are doing.

A friend recently asked about resources I have found particularly helpful around the topics of inclusion and belonging. In the last year, I read two that were truly life-changing: See No Stranger by Valarie Kaur and How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong. I am currently reading A Paradise Built in Hell by Rebecca Solnit, which explores the alternate worlds we create during disaster responses, and the ways in which we respond by building community and taking care of each other and how happy that makes us.

As you might have noticed, genealogy has a lot of my attention these days. I have discovered in my research many examples of harm caused: enslavers, settlers, military involvement in the Confederacy and those fighting Indigenous people, and criminal activity. I have also discovered resisters — people fighting oppression, people speaking up for inclusion and belonging, people building community. I am immersed in the greys of humanity — no person is only good or only bad.

In the process of uncovering these stories, I have grappled with how my research intersects with privilege, oppressive systems, and harm caused; I have felt guilt and shame at times and I have grieved and felt pride and gratitude. I am exploring several themes, including how my ancestors parted from their cultures of origin (mine are mostly in England, Scotland, and Germany), how they built wealth over time, and what my role is in reparative work to promote healing and continue this trajectory in future generations.

If you have researched your family (or if you haven’t, but you’re curious), I’d love to chat about how you have engaged with challenging family history and what mysteries still remain to be solved. I find that challenging work like this is best done in community and I’d love to engage with you on this topic. I’m also happy to help with genealogical research. Please reach out to me if you’re interested.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Freezing, Silence, and Shame

Hi Friends,

Happy Fall! I hope your school years have started well (for those of you caring for school-aged children) and that things are settling into a new routine.

I have been reading a lot and remembering some experiences and wrestling with the fact that there have been several times when a White person has acted in a racist way towards a Black person and I have been silent/frozen in the moment. I have not been walking the walk of my anti-racist talk. In response, I have been educating myself about bystander interventions and other strategies I can use to show up differently in public.

I’m finding that silence is really common, especially among White women. From my own experience, I have been socialized to avoid making anyone else uncomfortable (read, other White people) and I often feel socially disempowered in public spaces even though I’m not. My socialization can cause me to question what I’m observing and to make excuses or explain away someone else’s harmful behavior (read, if they are White). My/our tendencies to not get involved, to freeze or stay silent, need to be unlearned.

One of the books I read recently that really focuses on “nice White silence” is White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How To Do Better by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao. I recommend this book with a caveat: If you are a White woman, this book will challenge and disrupt you. You need to have people or resources in place so that you do not get stuck in a disrupted state of shame or guilt. Before you read it, make plans to move through those feelings (advice heavily informed by Shelly Tochluk).

In my own processing of White Women, I turned to Brené Brown and her book, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough.” Brown focuses on the role of shame in our lives, particularly for women, although also for men, and I have found her insights to be absolutely essential for understanding my own journey of self-work in anti-racism and in understanding other White people’s barriers when doing this work (or to starting it in the first place).

For example, when White people start to learn more about their complicity in upholding White supremacy structures, they often respond with denial, bargaining, guilt, and shame. Brown says, “When we are experiencing shame, we are steeped in the fear of being ridiculed, diminished or seen as flawed. We are afraid that we’ve exposed or revealed a part of us that jeopardizes our connection and our worthiness of acceptance.” (p. 20) Fear of being branded as racist is very strong.

One of the things I have encouraged my readers to do is to always continue with our self-work, our own growth and healing. Brown says, “Empathy and connection require us to know and accept ourselves before we can know and accept others.” (p. 49) If we truly want to be in relationship with people in our communities, we need to be kind to ourselves and work on our own barriers to empathy and connection. And, it turns out that being afraid of saying the wrong thing to someone is a barrier to empathy and connection (p. 56).

Brown has struggled with the same things we do: “I’ve learned that it is better for me to accept the fact that I struggle with many of the same learned biases that other people do. This has allowed me to spend my energy unlearning and changing my prejudices rather than proving that I don’t have any.” (p. 59)

Beyond looking at how we treat ourselves when we are experiencing shame, we must also look at how we are treating others. Do we use shame to try to change someone else’s behavior? It won’t work. Brown says, “Are we using shame as a punishment because we think it will foster real change in people? Or are we shaming others because it feels good to make people suffer when we are in fear, anger or judgment?” (p. 66)

This past weekend, I participated in a “Depolarizing Within” workshop through Braver Angels. I’m still learning about this organization, and I found a lot of meaningful tips for rethinking a lot of my own polarization and how I can address that. One of the things I learned is how, even though I have diversified my media intake and authors I read from a racial/cultural perspective, I still mostly read people who I agree with. This reinforces my ability to “other” entire groups of people and is something I can and must address.

This is not a “both sides” argument. It simply means that if my goal is to encourage White people to engage in anti-racist/anti-oppression work in themselves and in their communities that I need to ensure that I approach those connections with respect and accuracy. If you want to learn more about the workshop, you can access the handout here (this is shared with their permission).

I would love to hear your thoughts about any of this. If you want to learn more about shame and the Black experience, I’m currently reading You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience by Tarana Burke and Brené Brown and it is such an important collection of work. And if you’re ready to move “away from individual learning and practice and into collective action that builds power,” check out this article from SURJ and/or find ways to support the UAW strike.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Perfectionism is Silencing Me

Hi Friends,

I apologize for my long absence. The first few months of the school year have been more demanding than in the past (something about having kids in two different schools in two different districts…). I’ve been thinking about all of you, especially as we crash headlong into another election cycle, but also every time I struggle with something because I imagine you may be struggling, too.

And I have been struggling, which is why I haven’t been writing to you.

I have been devoting more time and energy in understanding my own barriers and challenges in anti-racism work, particularly perfectionism. Perhaps it’s because I’m starting from almost zero in building local relationships here in Denver, and perhaps partially because so many opportunities to connect are still virtual, but it has been more challenging than I had hoped to start building multicultural, multiracial relationships of solidarity with my community members.

And my struggles here have undermined my belief that my words and actions make a difference to anyone else because the voice in my head tells me that I am not enough.

Part of the challenge in building solidarity is unsurprising — our communities are segregated, even in more integrated school settings, so my neighbors and the people who I interact with on a daily basis are mostly like me, at least on the surface. I am not organically pulled into relationship with people who have a very different lived experience than mine. And yes, I choose sometimes to place myself in different spaces in hopes of creating these opportunities, and that’s when perfectionism undermines me.

I am acutely aware of how I show up in majority BIPOC spaces. I am aware that my mere presence might pose a potential threat. Even with my significant work to learn antiracist behavior, I can still harm others with a careless/ignorant word or action. To be clear, without exception, whether known or a stranger, I have been welcomed into these spaces, sometimes joyously so, and it has always been a humbling and affirming experience. Even so, my fear of causing harm can be petrifying and prevents me from showing up authentically, limiting my ability to build relationships.

In October, I volunteered to help set up an NAACP Halloween party with the local Denver chapter. I had joined the chapter right away after we moved and I had been watching for an opportunity to participate. It was so energizing to be in a majority BIPOC space again and I appreciated the opportunity to work alongside chapter members and create a fun event for local kids. I paid attention to how I was showing up, following rather than leading, engaging in conversation and trying to be thoughtful and present.

Throughout, I understood the underlying fact that in order to be in solidarity with people, showing up at one event is not enough. Building relationships moves “at the speed of trust” (adrienne marie brown in Emergent Strategy) and that takes time, showing up consistently and often. And, perhaps equally importantly, it is not the job of other people to validate me or tell me that I’m a “good white person” so that I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Showing up and building trust never end.

I am both furious about and grieving for what white supremacy has taken from me, taken from each and every one of us. The barriers and challenges lie like so many landmines and broken glass between us, interfering in our efforts to build true community with each other.

It is also deeply personal. The persistent undermining voice in my head points out all of the mistakes I have made, the time and energy I am not investing, the urgency and sense of futility that creeps in, the knowledge that any single significant shift is unlikely in my lifetime. The voice reminds me constantly that I am a potential danger to people around me because I haven’t read all of the books or articles, I haven’t listened to all of the podcasts, I haven’t talked to enough people yet or listened to enough activists. The voice says that I have nothing to contribute, no experience or perspective to offer, no ability to change the world around me.

I have been listening to that voice for too long, allowing it to silence me.

So, with each of you as a witness, I am fighting back. I have never truly wavered from antiracism work since I committed to changing my life and my community in 2014. It has become too much a part of me, every decision, every interaction, every hope and dream. I have been so grateful to have found an inclusive and welcoming new school community for my youngest two children and I hope to find a similar community for my eldest next year. They do exist and they give me hope that our work does make a difference.

I will continue to reach out to education equity connections locally and more widely, as that is still where my passion is strongest. I will breathe and be patient with the pace of change, even as I push myself to keep things moving forward. I will also remember that raising my children to be more antiracist than I am is more impactful than I give myself credit for.

I will also allow grace and gentleness with myself, especially when I struggle. I will reach for solidarity rather than perfection, relationship rather than loneliness. I will allow myself to be the messy person I am and reserve judgment when people around me are also messy and imperfect. I will listen to understand, not to convince, and work to find common ground in every conversation.

Will you join me? I would love to feel your hand on my back (thank you Christine D’Ercole) as we move forward into whatever the future has in store for us.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

PS. Apparently I should have listened more to my pre-pandemic voice from February 2020: “Do Not Let The Perfect Be The Enemy of The Good”

Isolation Undermines Survival

Hi Friends,

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to live in a community, but not to be in community with our neighbors.

What I have observed and experienced about affluent White parenting is how isolating it is, how competitive and closed-off it can be as families hoard information and resources and scramble to get “the best” for their kids. These tendencies reach beyond parenting and into white supremacy culture generally.

Something about the affluent part is key. A friend talked to me about growing up in poverty and how community was naturally built because everyone depended on each other, for childcare, for errands, for basic necessities, for job opportunities. They had these struggles in common and they worked to alleviate the challenges for each other, as a group. Isolation in that context had clear negative consequences.

My experience of becoming affluent has led to an understanding that the more financial security we have, the less we need each other for support because we can just buy it/hire it/delegate it. We are more isolated from our community because we are self-sufficient, we have everything we need. Except we don’t.

We lose one of the most valuable things about being a human being. We lose connection. We lose meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and love and interdependence. It takes effort to find connections with our peers that go beyond hoarding and wealth and competition.

I read an article about how people survive during and after natural disasters and while wealth can make a difference, “it is the personal ties among members of a community that determine survival during a disaster, and recovery in its aftermath.” As climate change threatens communities all over the world, our ties to our communities will prove to be our lifelines in many different ways.

It’s also about being White. White supremacy culture teaches individualism, pushing the idea that anyone can succeed if they work hard and that success is only because of an individual’s actions or choices. This is an isolating way to see the world, encouraging competition and severing interconnectedness. This is not how humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years and it is not how we will continue to survive the many challenges ahead of us.

I’m slowly reading Debby Irving’s Waking Up White and she writes partially about how White culture encourages people not to depend on each other, to be self-sufficient because that’s what success looks like. To depend on others means to be a failure in some way. And yet, one of the contradictions of white supremacy culture is that one of the reasons White people have the privileges they do is because of the way White people support each other, with bank loans, job recommendations, educational opportunities, and a myriad of other ways that the systems in place support the hopes and dreams and efforts of White people over those of everyone else.

White people end up being doubly isolated by white supremacy from those outside of our segregated communities and by our own individualism within our communities.

So many things are isolating us from each other right now. The pandemic and remote work has been isolating for many people in ways that are obvious and in much smaller ways. Our focus on our phones and on technology in general can make us feel like we’re connecting with people, but it is more often negative and undermining of our love for humanity than it is positive and love-affirming. We often pay more attention to our devices than to others in our household.

Our interactions with people tend to be more transactional — the delivery person, the ride-share driver, the mail delivery person, the wait-staff, the person scanning our groceries. How many times in the last month have you tried to connect in a meaningful way with one of these people? How does your conversation contribute to your connections with each other?

I’m making a lot of assumptions and generalizations here, and maybe you have a robust, interconnected community, and if so, that’s wonderful. Keep it going. But I’m an introvert and I know there are a lot of potential barriers to what I’m suggesting here. So please, however you feel comfortable, choose at least one or two people to connect with in a more meaningful way than you have before. And if that goes well, choose another one or two. Make a point of showing some love and kindness to someone outside of your current community. And look inside and consider the connections you have inside your community. Are these relationships what you want them to be?

Are you living in a community as an isolated household, or are you in community with your neighbors and fellow humans? If you need inspiration, I suggest Crowded Table by The Highwomen. It brings me to tears. Every time. We cannot have solidarity if we don’t even know each other.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Reproductive Justice is Part of Liberation

Hi Friends,

Little did I know when I wrote about grief last time, that it would only be compounded further only a few weeks later. I hope you are taking time to process what you’re feeling and that you are kind and patient with yourself.

I need to take my own advice. Having my kids home for the summer has meant that I find fewer opportunities alone for me to openly process my outrage, my grief, my refusal to accept a world in which my (currently female identifying) children will have fewer rights than I have had in my lifetime. I can tell that my emotions are close to the surface and ready to be freed. After I dropped my kids off at camp for the day and got back in the car this morning, the tears started falling, even before my music (a “Power Mix” I created in November 2016) turned on.

My mantra for this work, “Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.” applies to all justice work, including reproductive justice. Please seek out local organizations that are helping people get the access they need to health care services. Large national orgs have huge endowments and are not as dependent upon donations as small, independent nonprofits are. Support those who are already doing this work, however you are able.

Whatever your stance on abortion, it is undeniable now (if it ever was) that women in our country are oppressed, alongside/overlapping with additionally marginalized people who will experience increased oppression more acutely than White women will. A majority of the population in the United States is now overtly oppressed by the racist, sexist, and misogynistic systems in place.

White, straight, cis-gendered men have the most power in our culture and must be part of liberation work, just as White people must be part of anti-racism work. To use a comic book cliche, with great power comes great responsibility. So the question becomes, are you an oppressor or a liberator? Will you ignore or deny oppression or will you work in solidarity with those who resist it? Just as with anti-racism work, if you are silent then you are complicit.

If you’re ready to take action, here are some suggestions:

- White Awake training for White Men

- See this Teen Vogue article for guidance in supporting community organizing and collaborative work.

- If you’re thinking about how to be an organizer in your community and how to work towards a community where everyone is welcome, consider Garrett Buck’s questions.

- How to Show Up For Abortion Access

- Work on supporting related issues like affordable child care, universal healthcare, paid family and medical leave, contraception access, expansion of SNAP programs, a federally funded school lunch program, a permanent child care tax credit, and maternal mortality rates especially for marginalized populations.

Whatever you feel about abortion, the work needed now is about inclusion.
The work needed now is about how we take care of each other.
The work needed now is about finding common ground to ensure that everyone has what they need.

The work needed now is not about vilifying everyone who disagrees with you. From a newsletter by Loretta J. Ross (7/14/22, emphasis mine): “As Fania E. Davis said in The Little Book of Race and Restorative Justice: Black Lives, Healing, and US Social Transformation (Justice and Peacebuilding), ‘A punitive, vengeful response harms us psychologically.’ It also harms us as a society if we continue to inflict harm on each other with our unhealed and unaddressed traumas. We must protect the human rights of the person who was harmed, as well as those of the person who committed the harm. We must recognize that harm to another is also self-harm because of our interrelatedness.”

If we want a better outcome, a better life for everyone in this country, we have to stop attacking each other, find common ground, and work together to make it happen. White supremacy is doing everything it can to divide us. Do not let it.

Please also invest your time and energy in voting rights efforts, bolster up our democracy so that a small minority of people cannot dictate their values and priorities to a majority that does not agree with them. Change can happen on every scale, locally, regionally, and nationally. But it will not happen if we take our form of government for granted or if we spend our time yelling at each other. Take steps to engage in positive actions that reaffirm the way you want our country to be. Envision it and work in that direction. And bring as many people as you can along with you.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

We Are Not Powerless

Hi Friends,

This is not about Buffalo and it is about Buffalo. That’s because Buffalo (and so many more) is about each and every one of us. And I’m not sure I even know what to say. But since I am a White person, I know that my role is to speak to my people, so here goes.

I went to the grocery store today. The entire time I was there, I was acutely, painfully aware of how powerless I felt, how deeply my heart ached that I am constantly, actively and passively separated from being in true community with my neighbors because of the white supremacist culture we are all harmed by.

There are barriers to building those relationships everywhere we look, including inside ourselves. My heartache is always there, just freshly exposed by the most recent racist violence. These wounds we suffer cannot heal when they are reopened over and over again with new names of community members murdered and new locations of tragedy to tally in our national consciousness.

I also understand how essential it is that I use every ounce of my willpower and determination to ensure that anti-racist work continues and grows and that each and every one of us participates in dismantling white supremacy. And I honestly don’t know what to say to encourage more people to start and/or continue the self-work and community work that is needed. But I refuse to give up, so here I am, writing to each of you.

This work is both urgent and long-term, and while it is happening in many places, we need to keep going, to keep doing more. White supremacy culture influences everything we do, every institution and organization and government office and it fights back when challenged. And yet it must be challenged or it will continue to spread and grow and harm and kill. Do not imagine that “good people” will be spared from its effects — we are each already harmed and often blinded to that harm. Choose to see the harm so that you can choose to fight against it.

If you’re already feeling overwhelmed because you’re already fighting for something else, do not see this as an “extra” cause to take on. See it as a shift in the WAY you fight for justice, in whatever manner inspires and sustains you. If you’re focused on reproductive rights, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on environmental justice and combating climate change, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on educational equity, do it in an anti-racist way. If you’re focused on politics or criminal justice or housing or poverty or hunger or anything else you’re focused on, do it in an anti-racist way.

Do you know how? What barriers do you face to doing this work?

Some oversimplified guidance for White people doing anti-racist work:
(1) Commit to the self-work for the rest of your life. Keep learning, keep apologizing, keep unlearning biases and assumptions, keep growing. Use self-care so you don’t burn out.

(2) Don’t do this work alone. Find others who will support you, help you grow, listen to your failures and struggles, and encourage you to keep going. If you don’t have a person like this in your life, contact me and I’ll be that person for you.

(3) Choose solidarity (doing with) over helping/supporting (doing for). Build relationships with the communities you want to work with in an inclusive way, following existing leadership and trusting people to know where they want to go.

(4) Wherever you are, show up in an anti-racist way and be open to adjusting as you earn the trust of those you are working with. Earn that trust every day in the way you show up, the way that you grow, the way that you listen.

Ok, here’s the hardest one (again, for White people):
(5) DO NOT exclude people who disagree with you or challenge your beliefs. Turning people away, excluding people and banishing them because they aren’t on an anti-racist path yet (or as “woke” as you) will always undermine our efforts. We must be welcoming to all because white supremacy will always make white people feel like they belong, even as it harms them.

Anti-racist efforts must be as inclusive as we want our communities and institutions and governments to be. We must model the solidarity and liberation of the world we are trying to create. As my dear friend Whitney taught me several years ago, do not allow your anti-racist work to send people towards racism. Bring them with you.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Women and Anti-Racism

Hi Friends,

I want to take this opportunity to highlight an article by Courtney Napier called “The Fetishization of Antiracism Work” on her Know Better Do Better blog. The whole article is worth a read, but I want to call attention to the sections below in particular. She’s writing about antiracism work as a whole and how it has been twisted and distracted from its goals.

“The goal is to subvert the entire system. It is to devise a new way to be with one another. It is to undermine every lie, including that anyone inherently embodies an ideology of racial superiority that one cannot rid themselves of.”

This is what I’ve been circling around, especially after my recent trainings with White Awake, about how we need to acknowledge the privilege that white supremacy gives to White people AND ALSO that those privileges are not the natural order of things, that we could choose to live in a world in which those privileges are just the human rights that everyone has (or no one has, depending on which privilege we’re talking about — I wrote about this before here, regarding the Two Faces of Privilege).

Napier continues:

“White supremacy is evil and should be called out in all of its ways. However, there is a difference between calling out racism accurately and conflating someone’s humanity and capacity based on an act of racism. When the call out goes past the action-and-damage and into the space of dominance and humiliation (you must do this, and if you don’t, you are irreparable and worthless), it’s no longer about liberation and instead about humiliation.”

This goes beyond “calling people in” and is especially important for White people doing this work. Antiracist work must come from a place of respect for each person’s humanity, even when a person is saying or doing harmful things. We stray from the path of progress if our antiracist focus is competitive or judgemental when any of us make mistakes. We are also more likely to send people further into embracing white supremacy if we do not make each other feel welcome and accepted and that we have faith in each other to do this work. The harm can be addressed and repaired without anyone losing their humanity.

She also addresses White women in particular:

“White women also need to heal. Instead of gravitating to humiliation for pleasure and identity, white women must reconnect with their power and consequently their responsibility as change-makers in society. White women need to stop exploiting Black women educators, using their intellect for their own emotional appeasement. White women must stop treating these relationships as transactional, that you are somehow achieving antiracism by paying a Black woman to berate you and letting her live to tell the tale, this time.”

I have written about not asking BIPOC to explain things to you, but this takes things a step further. White people can imagine that taking classes, reading books, going to a book club, or having a Black friend means that we have done enough. We are not absolved of doing further work, we have not checked a box of wokeness that gets us off the hook of doing the hard work on ourselves.

Further on White women:

“White women must stop identifying with shame and fragility. It’s harmful to the psyche, but it’s also simply untrue. Consciously or unconsciously, it becomes a place of retreat when the pressures of society’s expectations become too heavy to bear. Like Black people, white women know so little of their history, especially their role as disrupters of the status quo. Instead, our collective narrative often sees them as only self-interested — no matter their political allegiance. Or they are depicted as the pawns of powerful white men. Either way, they are painted as partially awake and disinterested in collective liberation.” [emphasis mine]

Knowing our history, understanding our powerful role in society, is essential. I encourage you to do some research about female “disruptors of the status quo” of all races and political parties, to be inspired by the power of women when we resist harmful stereotypes or low expectations. You might start with Anne Braden and I’d love to hear your suggestions of others.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.