Standing Up For Inclusion and Hope

 Hi Friends,

It has taken me over a month to decide how to write about a recent event I witnessed. I have felt rage and anger and disbelief. I have felt grief and sadness and resignation. The feeling that has risen above all of these, however, has been hope and faith in humanity.

Perhaps I am still naive, but I believe that our local community has been unaware of the challenges we face at this particular school (and more broadly) and that when we know, we will be the change we need to see to ensure that our students feel welcome and included and valued. This also might make some people uncomfortable, and I invite you to sit with that feeling and consider stretching into something new.

On Tuesday, December 13, 2022, less than a month after the hateful violence at Club Q in nearby Colorado Springs, the Denver Public Schools-affiliated Slavens School PTA voted 13 to 8 to approve a restaurant fundraiser with Chick-fil-A, an openly anti-LGBTQ+ corporation. I would like to explicitly thank the 8 people who voted against the fundraiser for standing with Slavens students and families and for affirming inclusion and care in our decisions. Even small votes like this are part of our individual and collective legacies.

The PTA vote took place after three months of debate among members about whether financially supporting the anti-LGBTQ+ activity of the national restaurant owners would be inclusive and affirming of the entire school community. Multiple PTA members spoke about the harm caused to students and families by supporting this fundraiser. Key school administration and PTA leadership members abstained from the vote.

To dispel any confusion, the anti-LGBTQ+ activities of the owners of the national restaurant chain continue today. Chick-fil-A owners continue to donate to orgs trying to prevent the passage of the Equality Act, which would add federal protection as a protected class for LGBTQ+ people from discrimination. The Slavens PTA has a long-standing culture of prioritizing fundraising above all else. Focusing on fundraising is antithetical to the PTA mission, and this fundraiser will undermine the National PTA policy supporting LGBTQ+ students and their families.

The Slavens PTA serves a school community of over 700 students, with a membership roster this year of approximately 140 members. The Slavens community deserves to know what is being decided in their name. I believe that the majority of Slavens families would not agree with the PTA vote and that they would prioritize inclusion over fundraising. My goal is to raise awareness in our local community and to encourage more families to speak up about what we want our school community to represent. Discrimination and exclusion are more likely to happen in homogenous, privileged environments unless consistent action is taken to protect inclusion and equality.

Slavens is known in many circles as a “good school” with Blue Ribbon status and the highest fundraising numbers in the Denver Public School district (approaching $500,000 each year). The waitlist for incoming transfers is over 200 students long. It is also one of the whitest and most affluent schools in a district that is much more diverse (Slavens is 79% White and 7% FRL in a district that is 25% White and 59% FRL), raising questions about private funding access and disparities in educational equity. Most schools in the district do not have access to even moderate levels of private fundraising.

There have already been efforts among some families in the Slavens community to advocate for culture change at the school, not only for LGBTQ+ students and their families, but for all students who are not currently having their needs met: neurodivergent students, racially and culturally diverse students, economically diverse students, and gifted students. A Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) Committee within the PTA was created in 2020 and the school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) for its middle schoolers.

A Slavens PTA events guideline document encouraging inclusion and in support of the school’s stated values was approved by the PTA in May 2022 (which was unfortunately ignored during the December vote). Efforts at community-building have been met with enthusiasm and appreciation. Key staff members are working very hard, every day, to ensure that every student in the school feels welcome and valued. The school’s demographics are slowly becoming more diverse.

School segregation and the subsequent exclusivity of school communities is not limited to a few schools. Segregation has increased in public schools nationwide over the last 30 years. People living with a significant amount of privilege and who are surrounded by a homogeneous community are at greater risk of perpetuating stereotypes, discrimination, and exclusive behaviors based on their experiences or lack thereof. Concentration of resources has increased as families with means engage in hoarding tendencies and scarcity mentalities, working for “the best” for their own kids without regard for the larger community of children and families.

School-based nonprofits trend towards a focus on fundraising (often with crisis messaging) instead of advocacy or a greater community-building role, despite the National PTA’s mission statement to the contrary. Much of this behavior arises out of fear and isolation and a lack of connection to community in general. All of it can change if families with the privilege of choice choose something different (ie. Integrated Schools).

Imagine what could change if the time and effort spent on fundraising at individual schools was instead focused on regional/state/national advocacy for increased educational funding and equitable distribution to meet student needs everywhere? Imagine the economy we could build if we invested in every single one of our students instead of relying upon a few nonprofits at a few schools to favor the few over the many? Imagine if we worked in solidarity with every community to build a future our students looked forward to living?

The truth is, segregated schools, even those with significantly more financial resources, are not serving their students the way truly integrated schools could. Many of us (white people) struggle with talking about race and racism because we did not grow up in diverse environments and we don’t live in diverse environments now. We instinctively know that we don’t want our children to have these same barriers to being in community with and working with people from many backgrounds.

We have to work against the prevailing tide and take steps to learn new patterns, new choices, new ways of being. It won’t just automatically happen because we’re good people and we treat everyone kindly. I wish it was that easy, but it isn’t. Change comes from discomfort and if we refuse to feel uncomfortable, if we refuse to pop the bubbles of ignorance and guilt around ourselves, then change will not come.

The community and connection we seek exists. We just have to be willing to leave our isolation, guilt, shame, and competition with each other behind and open our eyes to the work and effort already underway without us. Open your eyes and embrace discomfort. I’m right here with you. We’ll do it together.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.
White Folks Facing Race

Additional Resources:
- Melanie Asmar writes “A once-segregated Denver school fights to stay integrated 50 years after historic court order” in Chalkbeat (1/16/23)
- Notes From The Backpack podcast from National PTA “Why Your Child’s School Isn’t More Diverse” (1/18/23)
- Nice White Parents podcast from The New York Times

It’s Not Antiracism Without Action

Hi Friends,

I hope you are finding joy this holiday season. I have been thinking about a couple of things that I want to digest with you. I’m also including a “What I’m Reading” section at the end because my inbox has been a storage unit for so many amazing resources I have come across since October and I really want to share them with you before the new year.

I’m going to talk about harm in this post and I want to clarify something. I am not talking about harm caused to “others” in a way that perpetuates pity and its own kind of marginalization. The harm I speak about harms each and every one of us. The person being judged for their race is harmed and the person doing the judging is harmed. Harm is not one-directional; every harmful action has an impact, on the target, on the perpetrator, and on every bystander/witness. The degree and nature of the impact might be different; all of it is harm. I want to remove the assumption in our language of this idea of a perpetually downtrodden group of people who need our goodwill in order to thrive. Each and every person in this world has an inherent vibrant brilliance. Our work is to change behaviors and systems and to remove those barriers so that every brilliant star has the opportunity to shine. This is not savior work — this is liberation for each and every one of us.

The first thing I’ve been thinking about are the phrases “It was another time” and “They were a product of their time” when speaking about books/movies/relatives. I believe that there can be a balance between rejecting past popular works and engaging with them in the context of the time in which they were created despite their harmful content. It’s more complicated with people, especially loved ones who are no longer with us, with whom we cannot have conversations or ask questions.

We cannot let those phrases stand as excuses for behavior/content that was harmful then and is harmful now. These phrases center the discomfort of the speaker rather than the impact of the action. They also ignore the fact that so many people, even in these “other times,” were working for equality, for freedom, for social justice, for civil rights, for better lives for each and every one of us. They were also products of their time. We can recognize the pain of the knowledge that people we loved harmed others in repugnant ways AND we can draw strength from the sacrifices and determination of people who worked for change. We get to choose which ancestral paths we continue to walk and which ones we leave behind.

The second thing I’ve been thinking about is the requirement of action in antiracism. A new connection I made here in Denver, who has a lifetime of advocacy experience and who I am so grateful to know, MiDian Holmes, made this so clear to me in a recent conversation. She asked whether the conversation would be different if someone said they were “anti-rapist” and described the actions they would take to show that they were not only against rape in theory, but would act to prevent it from happening. They would speak up if someone made threats, they would interfere if they witnessed it happening, they would advocate for changes to systems that allowed it to happen. She uses this scenario in her consulting work to encourage people to understand how their actions/inaction impact whether or not they are being antiracist and how they can make changes accordingly.

If we stay in our antiracist work where we are most comfortable, then we are not pushing for change the way we must. Educating ourselves is important self-work, and essential for informing how we show up, but then we must show up, repeatedly and consistently, without stopping except for moments of self-care. When I asked MiDian how White people were creating the most barriers to her antiracism work, she said “They stop. They get tired. They don’t keep doing the work.”

We cannot stop, my friends. Antiracism is a lifestyle, a lifelong commitment, that in all likelihood will not change anything significantly during our lifetimes. It is hard, worthwhile work. If we are successful, if we do not give up, then those who come after us will have better lives for the work we have done. And we will continue the work of so many, generation after generation, who have worked in solidarity and love for liberation for all.

What I’m Reading:
I appreciate updates from Anti-Racism Daily so much, here are a few of my recent favorites:
- by Dominique Stewart, “Why Empathy is Important for Social Change” (10/12/22)
- by Andrew Lee, “The 1619 Project and Correcting U.S. History” (10/25/22)
- by Andrew Lee, “The Criminalization of Sharing in Public” (11/2/22)
- by Andrew Lee, “Recessions, Explained” (11/30/22), which taught me a lot about the cyclical pattern of the economy and how that serves wealthy people and how it harms systemically impacted people.
- by Andrew Lee, “Tiny from POOR Magazine on Radical Redistribution” (12/1/22), which clarifies the difference between charity and redistribution and how important it is who controls how funds given are spent.
Also, I’m donating to this and other fabulous resources I have found this year. Please join me!

Education Equity:
- Mary Kadera wrote about a book called The End of Average by Todd Rose and her words helped illustrate for me just how essential equity in education (and so many other things) is: because no one is average, and our system teaches to the average, we’re not serving any student fully or adequately. A complete overhaul of our education system and the way it is funded is needed to address this.
- The Learning Policy Institute shared about a new book by David Kirp called Disrupting Disruption: The Steady Work of Transforming Schools (10/18/22)
- Eugene Robinson wrote about the test score results shared by the NAEP and called attention to the fact that scores dropped in every state, but the most impactful thing he said was, “Higher-performing students — those who lost less ground — were significantly more likely than low performers to have full-time access to a computer or tablet; to have high-speed internet access; to have a quiet place to do their homework; to have a teacher available remotely to help them almost every day; and to have an adult help them in person with their schoolwork at least once or twice a week. … Wealthy, highly educated parents are going to do everything in their power to educate their children. Less affluent parents in financially strapped school districts will need federal and state aid to keep up. The last thing this country needs is more inequality.”
- Moms Rising hosted a webinar called “Saving Our Schools: Activating Parents in an Age of CRT-Backlash” and you can watch the recording (10/25/22).

- Right to Learn Resources from the ACLU related to fighting censorship in schools.
- The SPLC’s Learning for Justice Magazine includes some really great topics around “Expanding Democracy Through Intersecting Movements” in its fall issue.
- Chris Talbot-Heindl wrote about how to be pro-Indigenous in a season of “rampant anti-Indigeneity” (10/10/22).
- Service Never Sleeps shared that they contribute a land tax to the Indigenous tribe(s) they currently occupy. You can calculate your contribution here.
- The Indigenous Solidarity Network hosted a webinar called “Rethinking Thanksgiving: From Land Acknowledgement to LANDBACK” and you can watch the recording (11/20/22) or check out the “Rethinking Thanksgiving” toolkit.
- Garrett Bucks wrote about Tema Okun’s “Characteristics of White Supremacy” work in a really thoughtful way (10/11/22).

I found Lyz Lenz’s post called “Dividing Women Against Themselves” haunting and painful and so necessary to read. It’s not about racism, but it is about the way people who are systemically impacted are divided against each other and themselves in order for those in power to stay in power. We can’t change it until we see it.

If you’re seeking some light and hope and resilience as the days are darker and things seem bleak, read this update from the Catalyst Project and Mab Segrest (10/20/22). I know I needed it and I imagine you do, too.

Please reach out to me if you want a thought partner/sounding board. This work is challenging and we are stronger together. I’m here for you.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

Perfectionism is Silencing Me

Hi Friends,

I apologize for my long absence. The first few months of the school year have been more demanding than in the past (something about having kids in two different schools in two different districts…). I’ve been thinking about all of you, especially as we crash headlong into another election cycle, but also every time I struggle with something because I imagine you may be struggling, too.

And I have been struggling, which is why I haven’t been writing to you.

I have been devoting more time and energy in understanding my own barriers and challenges in anti-racism work, particularly perfectionism. Perhaps it’s because I’m starting from almost zero in building local relationships here in Denver, and perhaps partially because so many opportunities to connect are still virtual, but it has been more challenging than I had hoped to start building multicultural, multiracial relationships of solidarity with my community members.

And my struggles here have undermined my belief that my words and actions make a difference to anyone else because the voice in my head tells me that I am not enough.

Part of the challenge in building solidarity is unsurprising — our communities are segregated, even in more integrated school settings, so my neighbors and the people who I interact with on a daily basis are mostly like me, at least on the surface. I am not organically pulled into relationship with people who have a very different lived experience than mine. And yes, I choose sometimes to place myself in different spaces in hopes of creating these opportunities, and that’s when perfectionism undermines me.

I am acutely aware of how I show up in majority BIPOC spaces. I am aware that my mere presence might pose a potential threat. Even with my significant work to learn antiracist behavior, I can still harm others with a careless/ignorant word or action. To be clear, without exception, whether known or a stranger, I have been welcomed into these spaces, sometimes joyously so, and it has always been a humbling and affirming experience. Even so, my fear of causing harm can be petrifying and prevents me from showing up authentically, limiting my ability to build relationships.

In October, I volunteered to help set up an NAACP Halloween party with the local Denver chapter. I had joined the chapter right away after we moved and I had been watching for an opportunity to participate. It was so energizing to be in a majority BIPOC space again and I appreciated the opportunity to work alongside chapter members and create a fun event for local kids. I paid attention to how I was showing up, following rather than leading, engaging in conversation and trying to be thoughtful and present.

Throughout, I understood the underlying fact that in order to be in solidarity with people, showing up at one event is not enough. Building relationships moves “at the speed of trust” (adrienne marie brown in Emergent Strategy) and that takes time, showing up consistently and often. And, perhaps equally importantly, it is not the job of other people to validate me or tell me that I’m a “good white person” so that I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Showing up and building trust never end.

I am both furious about and grieving for what white supremacy has taken from me, taken from each and every one of us. The barriers and challenges lie like so many landmines and broken glass between us, interfering in our efforts to build true community with each other.

It is also deeply personal. The persistent undermining voice in my head points out all of the mistakes I have made, the time and energy I am not investing, the urgency and sense of futility that creeps in, the knowledge that any single significant shift is unlikely in my lifetime. The voice reminds me constantly that I am a potential danger to people around me because I haven’t read all of the books or articles, I haven’t listened to all of the podcasts, I haven’t talked to enough people yet or listened to enough activists. The voice says that I have nothing to contribute, no experience or perspective to offer, no ability to change the world around me.

I have been listening to that voice for too long, allowing it to silence me.

So, with each of you as a witness, I am fighting back. I have never truly wavered from antiracism work since I committed to changing my life and my community in 2014. It has become too much a part of me, every decision, every interaction, every hope and dream. I have been so grateful to have found an inclusive and welcoming new school community for my youngest two children and I hope to find a similar community for my eldest next year. They do exist and they give me hope that our work does make a difference.

I will continue to reach out to education equity connections locally and more widely, as that is still where my passion is strongest. I will breathe and be patient with the pace of change, even as I push myself to keep things moving forward. I will also remember that raising my children to be more antiracist than I am is more impactful than I give myself credit for.

I will also allow grace and gentleness with myself, especially when I struggle. I will reach for solidarity rather than perfection, relationship rather than loneliness. I will allow myself to be the messy person I am and reserve judgment when people around me are also messy and imperfect. I will listen to understand, not to convince, and work to find common ground in every conversation.

Will you join me? I would love to feel your hand on my back (thank you Christine D’Ercole) as we move forward into whatever the future has in store for us.

Emily
Listen. Amplify. Follow. In Solidarity.

PS. Apparently I should have listened more to my pre-pandemic voice from February 2020: “Do Not Let The Perfect Be The Enemy of The Good”